Wicked as Lies Read online

  “You going to answer that?” Trees asked, sitting in the adjacent chair.

  He should. “Maybe later.”

  “Okay. You want to grab some dinner?”

  And put something in his stomach that might kill his buzz? “No. You go ahead. In fact, I’ll probably be shitty company this weekend. Not feeling much like fireworks and sparklers. So you should hang with some fun people.”

  “And leave you alone with that case of beer? No, man. I’m not going to walk out on you. We’re brothers. Through thick and thin. You’ve been here for me for almost a decade. I’m here for you.”

  In the back of his head, Zy knew he should be grateful for Trees’s friendship—and he was. He just wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it tonight. “Thanks.”

  His buddy finished off his beer, then set the bottle on the table with a sigh. “So, she just…signed the contract?”

  “Yep.” Zy took another long swallow of his beer. “She sat right across the table from me, looking at me with those big eyes and a face full of regret. And she fucking signed.”

  Trees shook his head. “I’m sorry, man. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

  “What the fuck does it matter? She made her choice. And I know it was probably the only choice she could make. She’s got a little mouth to feed and will for eighteen years. I would goddamn quit if I could.”

  “Next time, maybe don’t walk out of your job by staging such an epically public fuck you.”

  “I’ve never regretted telling those crooked defense contractors what I think of them.” He swigged his beer again. “Until today.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” Every time Zy closed his eyes, he could see Tessa in that conference room with tears on her lashes as she signed and initialed the document that would keep them apart for the next three years.

  “You going to sign, too?”

  He didn’t have much choice. Come Monday, unless he wanted to give up his line of work to be a greeter at a big-box retailer or homeless, he would have to suck it up and do something that went against every fiber of his being. “I don’t want to think about it right now.”

  “All right. When was the last time you got laid?”

  Right on cue, his phone buzzed again.

  Zy scowled, still ignoring it. “What the fuck kind of question is that?”

  “A serious one. When?”

  “When was the last time you got laid?”

  “C’mon, man. You know I don’t have your luck or your way with women. You do that thing where you walk in a room and flash your teeth, and half the chicks drop their panties. That’s never been me.”

  Zy couldn’t argue, so he just shrugged. “I haven’t been much in the mood for random company lately.”

  Trees glanced at the screen of his phone. “Yeah, is that why Madison keeps calling?”

  “Probably.”

  “Be honest, Zy. How long has it been?”

  If he didn’t fess up, Trees would just badger him until he did. “First of March.”

  Trees’s jaw hung open. “Is the Madison calling now the same one you hooked up with the weekend you moved into town?”

  “Yeah.” Zy winced as he mentally replayed what happened before he left the office. “I, um…called her. Right after Tessa signed, I scooped up my contract and stomped out after her. But she wouldn’t talk to me, so I might have called Madison. Loudly. And told her I wanted to hook up again. Tonight.”

  “So that Tessa could overhear?” Trees looked annoyed as fuck. “What a douche move.”

  Totally. And Zy regretted it. “I was pissed.”

  “You’ve never been too good at thinking things through when you lose your temper. Do you know for sure if Tessa heard you?”

  “Oh, I’m sure she did. She gathered her shit, slammed her desk drawers, said good night to the bosses, and ignored me as she waltzed out the door.”

  His best—and probably only real—friend in the world shook his head like he was a dumb ass. “So what are you going to do?”

  As if Madison had a sixth sense, she dialed Zy’s phone again.

  “Are you going to answer that?” Trees prompted.

  It would be better if he did. He and Tessa had no future. And he couldn’t live like a monk forever. Hell, it had already been four months and his body ached for satisfaction all the fucking time. His hand was getting a hell of a workout almost every day.

  “I don’t know.” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Keeping it real, man? Every time I come across a hot woman willing to give me an hour of her ‘quality’ time, I’m just…not into it. I don’t know why.”

  “I do. Because she’s not Tessa.”

  As much as Zy hated to admit it, Trees was right. “I’m a stupid schmuck.”

  “You’re a stupid schmuck in love.”

  Zy didn’t want to own up to that, mostly because every person he’d ever loved, except Trees, had followed their own self-interests and ultimately stabbed him in the back. Why had he thought Tessa would be any different?

  “Maybe I’m just in a funk. Or I’ve gotten picky. Madison is cute. Nice. But hardly centerfold material.” He downed the last of his beer and slammed it on the table. “You should go out with her.”

  “Don’t be a jackass.”

  “I’m serious. You might really like her.”

  He scoffed. “I’m not so hard up that I want your sloppy seconds.”

  “Dude, it was once. And the truth is, I didn’t treat her great afterward. I didn’t call. I didn’t explain. I just went away. And I felt bad the second I reached out to her this afternoon because I knew I was leading her on.” Just like he knew she wasn’t the woman he wanted. “And she deserves a nice guy.”

  The phone buzzed again.

  Trees just shook his head. “Well, she’s persistent.”

  “I don’t think it’s because she’s hot for me. When I called, I told her it had been a really shitty day and I could use some…comfort. She was concerned. I think she’s trying to be a friend. Answer it. You never know where it might lead.”

  His buddy hesitated, staring at the phone like it was a snake and he hadn’t decided if he wanted to risk getting bitten.

  “Or not. Your decision. Eventually, she’ll get the hint and go away.” Zy rubbed his chin like he was trying to solve a conundrum. “I hope she won’t be too hurt.”

  Trees cursed and reached for the phone. “You’re such a motherfucker.”

  Zy repressed a smile. His buddy never had been able to resist a damsel in distress. And maybe he’d done one thing right tonight, he thought as he listened to Trees tell Madison that he was a friend of the guy she’d previously hooked up with, who was showing his asshole side, but he’d love to take her to dinner to apologize.

  Ten minutes later, the call ended, and Trees stood.

  “You going?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to meet this girl. If nothing else, we’ll bad-mouth you together until I can make her smile again.”

  “There are other ways to put a smile on her face, buddy.”

  “Right now, I’m just trying to cover your ass.”

  Trees really was the best friend Zy had ever had and probably ever would. “Thanks, man. Have fun.”

  August 3

  * * *

  A miserable month passed for Tessa.

  No, it wasn’t all terrible. Her father had called twice to check on her, which was once more than he’d called in the previous six months. Hallie was happy and healthy. Tessa had managed to get her daughter’s nursery finalized. Since the baby had started sleeping through the night regularly and Tessa’s milk had dried up, moving Hallie to her crib had seemed like a natural progression, though she missed cuddling while her daughter fed. Work was sometimes rough, mostly because, months later, she was still finding things Aspen had screwed up, but Tessa liked the challenge. And she’d begun to make friends with Hunter and Logan’s sister, Kimber.

  But tha
t’s where the good ended.

  She and Zy hadn’t spoken since that horrible day in the conference room. She supposed he’d spent his Fourth of July weekend banging Madison, whom he’d apparently hooked up with before. And the stab of jealousy that plunged straight to her heart went beyond mere pain. But what else could she expect? They were both committed to their jobs for the next three years. No matter how much she wished otherwise, that wasn’t going to change.

  The following Monday, he’d come into the office looking as if he’d had a really rough bender, but he’d handed Logan his signed agreements with an acidic smile. If she’d hurt him by choosing her job first…well, he’d gotten over it fast in someone else’s bed. Tessa had no idea if he was still seeing Madison—and she didn’t want to know.

  But she’d also tried to date a guy she’d met at a coffee shop. Daniel had seemed nice…until he found out she was a single mother. That had been too much reality for him, so after cutting their evening short, he’d disappeared for good. Whatever. Any man who didn’t want Hallie was a man she had no use for.

  That had been two weeks ago. Now, on the quietest Sunday afternoon in memory, she half listened to the home decorating show in the background and tried to find some gumption to make dinner.

  An unexpected knock at the door startled her. She already knew Kimber was busy with family today. The neighbor she sometimes had dinner with was out of town. And she wasn’t expecting any deliveries. So who the devil could that be?

  Tessa’s heart jolted. Any chance Zy had come to talk? Her hope was probably stupid and ridiculous. When she had signed her contract, he’d cut all communication. Not officially, but that had been the end of whatever crazy attraction they shared. Well, it had ended his. She still couldn’t forget him.

  Smoothing her T-shirt and tugging her shorts into place, she opened the door. But she didn’t see a piercing pair of blue eyes with a sardonic smile.

  Instead, Cash stood in her doorway.

  She blinked at him like she’d seen a ghost. “W-what are you doing here? I still have a restraining order—”

  “I know. And I deserve that. Will you give me five minutes to explain?”

  “Cash, I—”

  “Please. I’m literally begging you.”

  Something the Cash she’d dated in the past would never have done.

  “I don’t know…”

  “If you don’t want to hear from me after I’ve said my piece, I’ll leave.”

  Tessa hesitated. On the one hand, he’d been both disappointing and irresponsible. On the other, he was her daughter’s father. Five minutes wouldn’t kill her… “All right. So I take it you’re out of rehab?”

  “I am. My dad filled you in about that, I guess.”

  Tessa nodded. “When you told him about Hallie, he contacted me.”

  “He’s seen her, right?”

  “A few times. He seems glad to have a granddaughter.”

  “I’m sure he is.” Cash smiled, but regret tinged his expression. “I’d really like to see her myself.”

  Tessa wasn’t sure she was ready for that. “Hallie is sleeping, and I’m not inviting you in the house right now.”

  He held up both hands. “I understand. I haven’t earned that. Tell me… Who does she look like?”

  “She’s a blend of us both.”

  “And since she has you for a mom, I know she’s beautiful.”

  That was new. He certainly hadn’t dished out compliments the last time he’d come here.

  “You asked for five minutes, Cash. What do you want to say?”

  “Mostly that I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish, insensitive, and inconsiderate.” He frowned. “A lot of things were happening in my life, mostly with my job. I got laid off, you know. And I tried to handle it by looking to the bottom of a bottle.”

  “Many bottles, from what I could tell.”

  “More than I’d like to admit. When I start drinking, I just don’t seem to have any control. I become another person…” He shook his head in self-loathing. “Anyway, early in April I woke up in New Orleans in an abandoned building—minus my money, my phone, and half my clothes—without any recollection of how I got there. I realized something had to change.”

  “Your dad picked you up and talked you into rehab?”

  “Not exactly. Well, he picked me up. I was so hung over I could barely make it two blocks to find someone willing to lend me their phone. There was no way I could have made it the hundred fifty miles home on my own. But going to rehab was my idea. Dad supported my decision, thank God.”

  “I’m glad you went.” What else could she say? If he was looking for absolution, fine. She forgave him, mainly because she’d already written him off.

  “I learned a lot, Tessa. About myself and how to handle stress.” He reached for her hand. “About what I want out of life.”

  If he meant her, she didn’t think she could ever go there again.

  Tessa tugged her hand free. “Cash…”

  “Hear me out. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, either as a man or a father, but I want one. I know I don’t deserve a woman as sweet and wonderful as you, but I’ve missed you like hell. I want to be a part of Hallie’s life. I think it’s important. I know how close you are to your dad.”

  Used to be.

  “I want that for my daughter, too. Hell, I’m not sure I’d be alive today if it wasn’t for my old man helping me out of my scrapes and talking me off a ledge. I’m twenty-six, but I’ve always felt like I was still a kid. And a stupid fuckup.” He paused, looking so painfully earnest. “For the first time, I feel like an adult. Like a man. Like I’m ready to face life. I’ll be forever grateful if you’d give me another chance.”

  Pretty speech, and she wasn’t unmoved, but… “I don’t know. You have to see this from my perspective. You ran out on me when I needed you most. At a time when I was terrified of giving birth. After you knew I’d lost my mother. Hell, when I couldn’t even bend down well enough to shave my own legs. I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night while having contractions because you didn’t think you could ‘handle’ all this and I looked too big for you to want anymore. Despite being younger than you, I came home with a baby I didn’t know how to take care of, handled every sleepless night by myself, and supported the two of us without any help because you left me no choice. And you did it as my dad and I had a massive falling-out. I’ve been utterly alone. How am I supposed to overlook that and trust you again?”

  He frowned, the grooves between his brows deepening as if every word she said was a blow. “I-I didn’t know. I should have thought or realized or…been less selfish. I know saying I’m sorry doesn’t make up for everything I’ve done to you, but it’s all I have to offer. Well, that and my promise—as a man, as a father. I’ll never leave you high and dry again. I want to be a part of Hallie’s life. And I know you have no reason to believe me. Just give me a chance. Let me take you two to dinner.”

  Did he understand what he was asking? “Cash, she’ll be six months old tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.”

  Tessa tried not to roll her eyes. “You don’t know anything about babies, do you?”

  He had the good grace to grimace. “No.”

  “She doesn’t eat solid food yet.”

  “Oh. Do you, um”—he pointed vaguely at her breasts—“feed her yourself?”

  “She’s on bottles now.” Another fact that crushed Tessa. But with so much stress, not to mention the upheaval in her schedule with Hallie going to daycare, it was no surprise. She couldn’t lay the blame for that at Cash’s feet, but his absence surely hadn’t helped.

  “Got it.” His expression said he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed.

  “I doubt she’ll sit quietly at a restaurant long enough for us to eat a meal and talk. She’s getting active. She likes to get on her hands and knees and rock back and forth.”

  “Why?”

  Was he that clueless? “Sh
e’s going to start crawling any day, and she wants the freedom to roll and stretch. She’s sitting up by herself, too. She’s made a lot of progress in the last few weeks.”

  “Because she’s smart like her mommy.”

  Tessa didn’t correct him. He might not grasp that Hallie’s newfound abilities were a statement of her motor skills, not her intelligence. But he was trying to be nice—and grovel—so she let it slide.

  “I just don’t think dinner is going to work.”

  “A walk. A trip to the park. Something.” He grabbed her shoulders. “Anything. I just want to spend time with you two. Please.”

  Before she could answer, Hallie began to fuss, which quickly spiraled into a wail.

  “This is perfect. She’s awake!”

  She was, and Tessa had run out of excuses. The truth was, she’d been wishing for an active father figure in Hallie’s life, and Cash stood right here, saying he’d be true-blue. Even if she had good reason to doubt him, maybe she should let him try. It wasn’t as if she and Zy were going to get together anytime soon.

  “I’ll need to change her and warm her a bottle and—”

  “I’ll help.”

  “I got this.” Tessa backed away. She didn’t want him in her house, not until she was at least halfway sure she could trust him. “Why don’t you head around back and sit under the patio cover?”

  He looked appalled. “It’s August. It’s hotter than f—”

  “I know. I’ve got a ceiling fan out there. You’ll find the switch next to the back porch light. If you want to meet Hallie, I’ll bring her out back to feed her.” And if he wanted to avoid the heat more than he wanted to meet his daughter…well, that would tell her something, too.

  “All right. I’ll wait out back. Thank you.”

  With a nod, Tessa shut the front door, hoping like hell she didn’t regret this. On her way to Hallie’s room, she passed the chair she’d been sitting in and swiped her phone. Vaguely, she thought of texting Zy to tell him that Cash had returned. Once upon a time, he would have cared. He would have come over right away and insisted on standing sentry in case she needed him. But the cooler winds of spring had given way to the sweltering oppression of a Louisiana summer. He was gone. Hell, for all she knew, he was spending time with Madison.