At the Pleasure of the President Page 29

  “You didn’t break.” She squeezed his hand. “You can’t think that. You survived.”

  “Oh, baby, you don’t know… I broke horribly. I begged them to stop. I told them they could have everything I owned. Honestly, I would have given it to them, but they weren’t after my wealth. As the beating went on, I actually hoped I would die. I might have if Freddy hadn’t shown up.” He sucked in a regretful breath. “You asked me why I chose to end things with you the way I did, why I didn’t choose something kinder or more logical. The reason is, after they’d shown me what a fucking coward I was, I hated myself. You deserved a better man, and I decided your life would improve without me.”

  His harsh self-assessment was like a knife through her heart. “You weren’t a coward, Mad. You fought on. You didn’t even stop investigating.”

  “It took me days to start poking around again,” Mad admitted. “I assure you that first week I had no intention of doing anything but healing and getting on with my sad life without you by my side. I realized I didn’t deserve your love, so I reverted to all my old ways because they were safe. But then I got angry. That’s what pushed me through at first. Slowly, Freddy brought me into his group, and all I wanted was to fuck over Krylov. The deeper I got into the conspiracy, the more I realized this could affect us all. And then…I found a motivation far stronger than anger.”

  “Love.” She now knew that Mad hadn’t succumbed to some thirst for adventure or juvenile overreaction. He’d been shown he could be reduced to something so small and he’d tried to protect her the only way he thought possible—by distancing, by letting her go.

  He nodded. “I had to do everything I could to protect my family. I would have done it even if it meant losing you all forever. I would do it again if it saves you and our baby. I would walk away and never look back if it meant you’d be alive at the end. I would rather you be happy with someone else than dead with me. That’s what I realized. I love you enough to put you first.”

  Sara understood him now. She truly did, but he needed to know that he couldn’t make those same choices again. “Do you love me enough to let me take the risk with you? I can’t do this—you and me—if you’ll leave again. I need you to put our family first. That means staying together. I promise I’ll be careful, but none of this can work if we’re not together.”

  Something like hope lit his eyes. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying I love you and I’m tired of not being with you.” The confession felt good, like a weight being lifted off her shoulders. “I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’m never going to get you out of my heart, and I don’t want to anymore. Do you know what I’d decided to name our daughter?”

  “Not Hortense.”

  He always made her laugh.

  “No, definitely not Hortense. Even when I was angry with you, when I thought you were dead, I knew I wanted you to be a part of her life.” Sara squeezed his hand. “I’m naming her Madeline.”

  “Madeline.” His lips curled up in a grateful, reverent smile as he placed a big hand on her belly. “It’s perfect. I love you, Madeline.”

  She lay her hand over his, tangling their fingers together. “Will you take me to bed? I haven’t slept well since the day you left me.”

  “I’ll never leave you again.” He turned and cupped her face. “I promise. No matter what happens now, I will put you first, even above my friends. You and Maddie are my whole world now, and there is nothing I want more than to take you to bed.”

  Then he stood and helped her to her feet. Seconds later, she found herself scooped up in his arms.

  There was no place she would rather be.

  * * * *

  Mad carried Sara into the small bedroom with ease. Even pregnant, she seemed so delicate and light to him.

  Being with her again, having this second chance, seemed like more than he deserved, but he was going to grab onto her with both hands and hold her close for as long as she let him.

  “Be sure, baby,” he whispered as he lowered her to the bed. “Because I don’t know what I’ll do if you change your mind.”

  It was a lie. He knew what he would do. He would call her every hour, sleep on her doorstep, say whatever he had to until she gave him another chance. He would show her that he could be a relentless bastard when it came to winning her back.

  “I won’t change my mind. Sometimes I feel like I was born loving you.”

  “I know I was born to love you.” His life felt as if it had really begun the moment she’d opened her heart to him. He’d had every material comfort a human being could have, but Sara and their child were the most precious gifts he’d ever been given.

  Gently, Mad laid her on the bed, his body electric with arousal. For months, he’d felt dead inside, but now his blood thrummed and his skin seemed to awaken—all because she was finally here with him, not merely in body but in spirit. In heart.

  This was what it felt like to come home.

  As he yanked the T-shirt over his head, wanting nothing between them, she sat on the edge of the bed and watched. Those big eyes of hers always got to him. No matter how many times they made love, he was always so stunned that she could look at him with trust and adoration shining there.

  “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me?” He stroked her hair, letting his fingers tangle in all that silk. He’d missed her so much, more than he’d missed anything in his life. When they’d been apart, he’d felt as if he was missing the most important pieces of himself.

  Her hands shook as she reached for him and skimmed her palms along his ribs. It took everything he had not to purr like a freaking cat. He’d forgotten exactly how good it felt when she touched him.

  Her gaze skated over him appreciatively. “Wow. You were always gorgeous, but now you look even better.”

  “Hanging out with Freddy, there wasn’t a lot to do besides investigating Russians and working out. He doesn’t even have a TV. I learned my lesson. From now on, only living on the grid for me.” He grinned. “But the workout regimen I’ll keep up because I like it. And because I always want to look good for my woman.”

  Her whole body tensed with obvious anxiety. “Mad, I don’t look the same as you remember. I’ve been sitting and staring at the beach, eating every one of my emotions for months. And the baby has changed my shape, too. I’m so different. You might not—”

  “Don’t finish that sentence, Sara Bond. I don’t want to be mad at you right now. I don’t have to see your body to know how beautiful you are. That’s my baby growing inside you. I wish I’d been there for every little development. Let me touch you, kiss you, love you. I’ll show you exactly how I feel about your body.”

  He helped her to her feet, then eased the robe she wore off her shoulders and tugged her gown over her head. How could she think for a single second he wouldn’t want her? All the time they’d spent apart he’d thought of nothing but her. Of finding his way back to her.

  She stood in front of him, silently awaiting his judgment.

  “Oh, you have changed, baby. You’re even more stunning now.” He cupped her shoulders and caressed his way down her arms, staring at her breasts and the sweet bump that proved his baby was growing inside her. “If you have any questions about how much I want you, all you have to do is look down.”

  She did. When she met his gaze again, he saw soft mischief in her eyes. “You seem happy to see me, Maddox Crawford.”

  “Never in all my life have I been any happier to see someone.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against her forehead. “I missed you, Sara. I missed you so, so much.”

  Tears gathered in her eyes. “You can’t leave me like that anymore. I thought I’d never see you again. I thought you were lost to me.”

  The pain in her expression shot through him. How would he have felt if he’d thought she was dead? His heart almost stopped at the thought.

  “Please, baby, forgive me. I guess…I thought you wouldn’t care anymore since I’d torn you apa
rt.”

  “Not care that you had died? How could you think that?”

  He’d fooled himself into believing he would be the only one hurt. “Because I didn’t care about me. I hated myself and I couldn’t imagine you’d have even a spark of love left inside you. I prayed that someday I could come back and make everything up to you. I hoped you would eventually understand. But I never thought you would really mourn me.”

  “I couldn’t hate you, Mad. I tried. I tried so hard. But I couldn’t.” She moved her hand to the gentle swell of her belly. “After all, I had her.”

  Their child. Madeline had kept Sara connected to him in ways he hadn’t imagined. The baby had been a bond that couldn’t be broken.

  She was going to be such a spoiled kid. She wasn’t even born and she already had her father wrapped around her little finger. Would she ever know how important she was? How she might have saved her parents?

  “I will never fail you again. I promise you, Sara.”

  She shook her head. “It’s not about failing because we all make mistakes. I made one in not listening and not forgiving you sooner. It’s about doing everything together. Win or lose, Mad, we have to stand together. Always.”

  “I promise.”

  Mad finally did what he’d been longing to do for months, since the moment after the last time he’d done it. He kissed Sara. He wanted to kiss her constantly, needed his lips on hers, their bodies close. This was his true home, this woman.

  He gave up on words and did what came naturally every time he was around Sara. He tangled himself around her and breathed her in, his flesh lighting up everywhere their bodies touched. He drew her close with a groan, feeling her nipples tighten against his chest. They were slightly larger, as were her breasts, but that wasn’t what made her beautiful. She glowed with life, health, and love. That was all he wanted, Sara safe and by his side.

  While he kissed her, he touched her, relearning her body. Slowly, reverently, he skimmed his palms down her back, tracing the delicate length of her spine and molding to the curves that led to her perfectly heart-shaped ass. His heart rate ticked up as he cupped her there and rocked his erection against her. He couldn’t wait to get inside her, but that wasn’t the most important act between them tonight. The mere fact that she was in his arms felt like victory. Telling her he still loved her would be everything.

  “Mad, I want you so much. I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

  Not half as much as he’d missed her. Every day without Sara had felt like forever. “You know, I used to listen in on your brother’s conversations in the office just so I might hear him say your name.”

  Her hands roamed his back greedily, as if she was restless for more, as if she was trying to touch every inch of his skin. “Really?”

  He kissed his way from her lips to the soft column of her throat. “Yep. I suspect he’ll get me back for that and I’ll let him. In fact, I’ll probably let the guys play every trick they want on me as long as we’re still friends. We have to stick together, you know. Our kiddo is going to need playmates.”

  “Gabe will forgive you,” she said. “And I don’t think Maddie is going to be alone for long. Gabe and Everly are already talking about starting a family, and I know Connor and Lara are already trying. I fear a world where Gus and Roman procreate.”

  Because that child would be a force of nature, and he couldn’t wait until they were all a gang of kids tormenting their parents. If they could just survive the trial ahead, they might have the family they’d always wanted—a big group of close-knit brothers in each other’s lives, sharing everything that came their way. “We’ll parent differently. We’re not only going to stay together, we’re going to be together. I won’t send Maddie away to some boarding school.”

  “Of course we won’t.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, his lips, his shoulder, then his chest. “Touch me, Mad. It’s been so long since I felt anything but sorrow.”

  He eased her down to the bed. He wasn’t sleeping on the couch tonight, and his back was grateful for that. But right now joy filled his heart and desire scorched his veins because if he got his way, he’d never have to sleep another night without Sara beside him again.

  “No more sorrow,” he vowed. “Let me make you feel adored and cherished. Beloved.”

  He kissed her again, starting at her mouth and working his way down. He dragged his lips across her jaw and down her throat, over the curve of her shoulders, then slowly eased to her breasts. He couldn’t stop staring at them. “Are they more sensitive? I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve read that pregnancy at this stage can make even touching them painful for some women.”

  “You’ve been reading about pregnancy?” There was zero way to mistake the incredulity in her tone.

  She didn’t understand how badly he’d wanted to stay connected to her in any way he could. “I bought one of those what-to-expect books. I wanted to be with you, know what you were going through. It was the only way I could share the experience with you.”

  She paused, thoughtfully, then spoke in a soft voice. “They’re sensitive, but not in the way you think. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been going to bed every night knowing you were just steps away? Ever since I hit the second trimester, I’ve been aching. I need you, Mad.”

  “The book said that was normal, but I’m happy to help, baby.” He cupped her breast, feeling it swell against his palm. He had to bring her pleasure first because he wasn’t at all certain he would last more than a few seconds once he got inside her.

  He lowered his head and licked at her nipple, loving the way she gasped and her entire body arched tautly at the touch of his tongue. If this was what she needed, he was her man. He would fetch her whatever food she craved, rub her feet, and serve her all the tea she could drink. And he would make love to her—as long and as often as she liked.

  “You’re so fucking soft. Smooth as silk.” He stroked a thumb over her nipple.

  “Yeah? You’re not soft at all. Anywhere,” she murmured.

  No, he was not. His cock was hard as stone and aching for her. For months, he’d fantasized about touching Sara again. The reality of her was so much better.

  Mad sucked her nipple into his mouth while he cupped the other breast. A low moan escaped her throat. He lavished her breasts with affection, then inched lower because that wasn’t the only part of her he needed to taste.

  He kissed his way down her body, nuzzling her belly and praising her body with his touch before shifting between her legs. He breathed in the scent of her arousal.

  His heartbeat gonged loudly in his ears. Being this close to Sara after enduring so much time and distance between them thrilled and warmed him like nothing ever had. Nothing mattered except worshipping her so that she felt wanted. Desirable. Sexy. Utterly necessary to his sanity and the salvation of his soul.

  More than anything, he wanted to connect with her. Be with her. Find the peace only she could give him.

  “I dreamed of you the whole time I was away. You don’t know how often I would pray I’d stay asleep because you felt so vividly real in my dreams, I could swear you were right here against me.” With insistent thumbs, he parted her sex, then circled the little jewel of her clitoris, making her wriggle in his arms. “Tell me you’re mine. I still can’t believe you’re really here with me.”

  “I’m yours,” she promised on a gasp as she stared down her body. Their gazes met and fused. “And you’re mine. Don’t forget it, Maddox Crawford.”

  “There’s my girl. It turns me on when you get demanding. You’re always such a lady, and yet you’re so strong. You know what you want and you have the prettiest way of demanding it,” he purred against her. “I love it when you walk in a boardroom and prove wrong all those assholes who underestimated you because they think you’re nothing more than a gorgeous princess. And fuck yes, I’m yours. All yours. I’ve always been yours. I want a life with you, baby. You, me, Maddie… I want us to run Crawford together, teach o
ur daughter how to work hard, love hard, and rule her kingdom.”

  “Or you could stay home with Maddie and let me handle Crawford,” she said with a curl of her lips. “I’m better at running a business than you.”

  He laughed. He could do the stay-at-home dad gig if he needed to. “You handling the board room…and me handling the CEO? Maybe. We’ll see…”

  He’d do his best to start showing her the life he wanted right now.

  Mad lowered his mouth to her pussy and kissed her the way he’d been dying to—long, passionate, giving her as much pleasure as she could possibly take. He settled in, content for now to ignore the ache in his cock because making love to Sara was about far more than simply getting inside her. She deserved all his attention. She deserved to feel the most sublime ecstasy when he touched her, every time he touched her.

  He laved her with affection, his tongue working her most sensitive spots while she writhed beneath him. He eased his fingers inside her, softly stroking her in and out, curling his fingers right where she needed his touch. She was going to be so tight and hot around his cock. He would feel every inch of her, be so connected to her. Make her scream.

  Be one with her.

  Sara had always been responsive, but it really didn’t take long before her breaths roughened and soft pleas fell from her lips.

  He wouldn’t have it.

  “Don’t hold back on me. I know what you sound like in pleasure. Baby, these walls are soundproof. Make all the noise you want.” He teased her clit, swollen with desire, by brushing a barely there thumb over the bud. He followed that with a slow stroke of his tongue.

  Her body strained. Her fists clasped the sheets, pulling at them. She was the perfect picture of arousal. “I’m going to scream if you don’t give me what I need.”

  “What’s that? It’s been so long… I might have forgotten,” he teased because he wanted to hear her say it. Her desire was evident, but he’d spent so many long days and nights apart from her, all of them wondering if he would ever have the chance to touch her again, that he simply needed to hear her say it.