Alphas Confess All Page 8

  Because she couldn’t stand that look in his eyes. Gideon’s normally warm eyes were cold, flat stones.

  “It won’t be pretty, love. It won’t be soft. It won’t be sweet.”

  She laughed, but it was a bitter sound. At least they were on the same page. “It might not be worth much at all. According to my ex, I’m not good at it.”

  She knew what “it” was. He was talking about sex. Dirty, filthy, potentially mind-blowing sex. She was gambling a lot. He was hurting. He’d recently broken up with his fiancée. Was she taking advantage of him?

  His hand came out and for the first time there was a spark of life on his handsome face. He wrapped his fingers in her hair. “Is this the same ex who told you that being rough was wrong? That you were wrong for wanting a bite of pain?”

  She could still hear her ex complaining that she wasn’t a real woman because she wanted to try some rather unconventional things. “Yes.”

  “Tell me something, love, did he ever make you come?”

  Tears pricked her eyes. “I don’t think I can do that. It’s okay. Not everyone can, but I wanted to try. It doesn’t matter. I want to help you. We can help each other get through the night and then we can go back to being friends.”

  “So fucking naïve.” He tightened his hands in her hair, the pain making her hiss slightly. “I don’t think we can ever go back. I don’t think you’ll feel the same way about me once we’re done. But you will come. I swear to god, I’ll have you screaming. One last chance, Jessica. Run away now or stand up and take off your clothes with the full understanding that I’m in control until morning. You will obey me.”

  The very words made her blood heat up. How long had it been since she felt this way? Maybe never. She had been a “good girl” for so long. She’d played it right. She’d never slept with a man outside of her husband, and her loyalty hadn’t bought her anything beyond half of his debt.

  Gideon Michaels was so far out of her league it was ridiculous. She was passably attractive, but he was a Nordic god of a man. Six foot five inches and roughly two hundred twenty pounds of pure muscle. He was all Alpha male and yet he’d always been sweet to her.

  What would a single night with him hurt? She would never get the chance again. He might never give her another chance to be close to him.

  She got up on unsteady feet.

  “Smart girl,” Gideon said on a low growl. “Run away. Run away for all our sakes. I’m not good for anyone. I’m not good for you or Reid. I’m better off alone.”

  His voice was hard, but she could hear the lonely boy in there, the Gideon he thought no one saw. Late at night when he was past tired, she could look beyond his perfect face. He was a man trying to build a life, hiding much of himself. She wasn’t sure what he was hiding, but he was afraid of something.

  So was she. She was afraid of so, so much. “Does your heart ache for her?”

  She couldn’t stand thinking about what Anna had taken from him.

  He shook his head as though trying to process the question. “Anna? I never loved Anna. Anna was arranged for me by my father. Anna was a means to an end. Anna was a compromise that’s going to end up costing me far more than money. Years and years I played the good son. But I couldn’t be the good son. Not deep down. I couldn’t cut it out of my soul. I didn’t even want to. You. You fucking walked in. God damn it, Jessica, I don’t want to dissect my engagement. Take your clothes off. Reid is right. Fucker’s always right. I was never going to be able to go through with it. Not since you walked in the door. Clothes, Jessica. Now. Make your choice.”

  She didn’t think. She responded to the dark command in his voice. This was what she’d longed for all of her life. This was what she’d wanted. She’d been far too afraid to explore it beyond romance novels, but she couldn’t turn it down now that it was being offered to her. And by Gideon. Oh, she’d dreamed of Gideon and Reid.

  Half a fantasy was better than nothing.

  Hands shaking, she unbuttoned the top button of her sensible shirt. Gideon said nothing, merely sat back in his chair and watched her with inscrutable eyes. She wished beyond anything that she’d taken Reid up on his offer. Not two days before, he’d playfully offered to take her to a lingerie store and help her buy some pretty, frilly things. She’d laughed him off. She didn’t need lingerie.

  “Fold it and place it on the desk, then take off your bra next. I want to see your breasts.”

  She did as he asked and then struggled with the back of her utilitarian white minimizer bra. Her underwear wasn’t any better. It was white cotton. Boring. Bland. She’d bought them in packs of twelve at a big box store.

  She was going to ask Reid to help her buy pretty things. How could she think of herself as pretty when she wouldn’t even buy herself a nice pair of underwear? The bra came free and she was standing in front of Gideon Michaels. He was staring at her breasts. She leaned over and dropped the bra on her folded shirt.

  “Your nipples are hard, Jessica. Are you aroused?”

  “I think I’m cold.” She probably shouldn’t tell him how much she wanted this.

  His voice got deeper, his eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie to me, love. I bet if I put you over my knee right now, I could force those pretty thighs open and do you know what I would find? I would find a pink pussy all ripe and ready for me. If I wanted to, I could fuck you right now. I could force you on my cock and you would take me. Now tell me the truth. Or would you rather I found out for myself? If I discover a lie, Jessica, I will administer punishment. I’ll ask again. Are you aroused?”

  She could barely breathe. “I am now.”

  “Excellent. Now take off that skirt and whatever form of underwear you’re wearing.” He said the word underwear with a hint of disdain. “I want to see your pussy.”

  With only the barest moment of hesitation, she pushed the skirt off her hips, hooking her underwear under her thumbs so he didn’t see the bland nature of them. She was left standing in only her black heels.

  “Perfect. Leave the shoes.” He stared, his eyes moving up and down her body as though assessing every part of her. His hand came up and he wordlessly asked her to turn around with a flick of his finger.

  She did it. She made a slow turn though her skin flushed with embarrassment. She wasn’t going to give in. She knew she was overweight, but her breasts were nice. Some men liked a round ass. She wasn’t going to allow her fear to rule her one moment longer.

  She turned again when he told her to and then she stood for what felt like forever. Despite her newfound belief in standing her ground, anxiety started to build.

  “You’re lovely, Jessica.” His hand went to the top of his slacks. He made quick work of his belt buckle and lowered the zipper. “Whatever happens later, you should know that. You’re a beautiful woman. You deserve far better than me.”

  But she didn’t want better. She wanted him. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You don’t have to know what to do. It’s up to me to tell you. Get on your knees, love. I’m going to teach you a thing or two.”

  Jessica felt her eyes widen as he stripped off his dress shirt and tie. His slacks were still on, but his cock jutted out of them. Thick and long, she’d never seen anything as perfectly, gloriously decadent as Gideon Michaels.

  Jessica got on her knees, the carpet thick under her legs.

  “Spread your legs wider and thread your fingers together behind your back. Look at that. That’s the way. Now your breasts and your pussy are nicely on display.” He leaned forward and flicked her nipples.

  Her breath hitched. He ran a single finger around her nipple. It puckered and pouted. She’d never imagined her breasts could be so sensitive.

  “Don’t you move.” He took her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, He twisted lightly, just a touch of pain. She felt it in her pussy.

  He slid his free hand down her torso, tracing a line of heat all the way down between her legs.

  “Wider.”

  She d
idn’t hesitate at all this time. Gideon was taking command. It seemed to dissipate her anxiety. She didn’t have to be worried. She only had to follow Gideon’s command.

  His finger touched her clitoris, grazing it, making her shiver.

  He took his hand away, sitting back in his chair. Jessica heard the whimper that came out of her throat. She wanted him so badly she could practically taste it. Now she was the one on the edge. She needed to see where this would go—how far he could take her.

  His hand stroked up and down that magnificent cock. His eyes darkened, but the terrible despair was gone, replaced with honest desire.

  She’d put that look on his face. She had something to give him, too.

  “I’d like you to suck my cock. I’m going to teach you how, and I expect you to remember.”

  She leaned in, eager to learn.

  Six Months Later

  Aspen, Colorado

  The snow seemed endless, a blanket of white falling from the sky. Jessica peered through the window of her sedan. The wipers were working overtime. The thud sound was the only rhythm that mattered now. She’d turned off the radio, unwilling to be distracted by anything. Mountain driving was turning out to be a nightmare.

  It was far more stressful than city traffic on a Friday afternoon. She was a sea-level girl. Mountain driving would have been anxiety provoking even in the best of circumstances. She was driving up the mountain in the middle of a snowstorm. It was her first trip to Colorado, and she feared it might be her last.

  Stay calm. Everything’s all right.

  If she concentrated and went slow, she would make it. Reid had been explicit in his instructions. She was in the vehicle Reid had left at the airport for her. It had snow tires and she was inching along. The Aspen Retreat was only a mile away.

  She was going to be okay.

  She told herself that far too often these days. Okay. It was all she could aspire to.

  Jessica let her mind wander even as her eyes stayed glued to the road. Unfortunately, her mind drifted exactly where she didn’t want it to go. Though her eyes were on the road, she was back in that place, in that moment that wouldn’t let her go no matter how hard she tried to forget. Images of that night six months before flashed through her mind.

  Gideon’s hands in her hair.

  Gideon tying her to the headboard of his bed.

  Gideon taking her roughly and demanding that she enjoy it.

  Gideon telling her to leave.

  She shook her head and tried to concentrate on the road. She wasn’t going to think of Gideon. She’d lost too much of the last year loving that man, and she wasn’t going to waste another minute. Except she couldn’t help it. The memory was always there…

  “Lick the head,” Gideon had commanded, pushing the plum-shaped head of his cock toward her.

  Her tongue had obediently shot forward. God, she’d wanted that taste so badly. She’d dreamed of him from the first moment she’d seen him. She’d whirled her tongue around the bulbous head of Gideon’s cock, for the first time in twenty-seven years understanding the inclination to swallow a man down. He’d tasted like salty heaven, and she knew what had been wrong with her previous sexual encounters. They hadn’t been with him.

  “That’s right, sweetheart. Just like that.” His praise had gone a long way in helping her shed her inhibitions. “You’re very submissive. Open wider. I want to fuck your mouth, Jessica. You’re going to let me fuck your mouth, aren’t you?”

  She hadn’t answered. She hadn’t felt the need to. She’d merely done as he asked and opened wide. He’d taken immediate advantage, shoving his cock deep. She’d tried to steady herself against his thighs.

  “Hands back, Jessica,” he’d ordered roughly. When she’d faltered, he’d made himself more clear. “Behind your back. Clasp your hands behind your back. Thread your fingers together. Use only your mouth on me. I’ll tie you up later. Right now, just obey me.”

  He’d fucked her mouth. He’d held her hair and shoved his cock in and out of her lips. The whole time he’d told her how beautiful she was, how much he enjoyed her. Her jaw had ached because of his size, but she’d never even thought of complaining because Gideon told her he was crazy about the way she sucked him. When he hit the back of her throat, she’d swallowed around him. He’d thrown his head back and filled her mouth.

  The ground beneath her was suddenly unsteady, and Jessica came out of her reverie. Gideon Michaels was going to be the death of her. Even six months after she’d walked out of his life, the memory was still there, still an aching wound.

  She cursed as she calmly righted the car. She had to concentrate, or she was going to go over the edge. She wasn’t about to die. Not when she was finally going to head down the right path.

  She wasn’t in Colorado for her health. She had come here to find herself. To let go of the past and start on her future.

  The soft trill of her cell phone was a welcome sound. She slowed down. She was glad she was the only one on the winding road.

  “Hello?”

  “Jessica, are you all right?” She heard Reid’s worry over the speaker. It warmed her.

  Through it all, he’d been her friend. He was still Gideon’s partner, but he hadn’t deserted her. He’d shown up the day after her debacle with Gideon. He’d held her while she cried. He’d been her anchor. She didn’t know how she would have made it through the last few months without Reid’s steady hand to guide her.

  Reid had been the one to help her find a new job.

  “I think I’m almost there. It’s hard to tell. Everything looks like mountains.” There was no way to disguise the shakiness in her voice. “But get a martini ready for me. I’m going to need it. I’m never driving up a mountain pass again.”

  “I’m sorry, darling.” Reid’s tone was smooth as glass. She loved the sound of his voice. It was rich velvet and rolled over her like a blanket, making her feel safe and loved. “I wish I’d been able to pick you up. I’ll make sure you have exactly what you need. Vodka martini, two olives coming up. I’ll let the bartender know how little you like vermouth.”

  She laughed. “Yes. Just a kiss of vermouth, and not an open-mouthed one.”

  His chuckle vibrated against her ear. “I’ll have a kiss for you when you get here, pretty girl. I’ve got your room ready. It’s one of the best in the whole hotel. You’re going to love it.”

  She smiled at the thought. She was sure it was perfect. Everything Reid did was absolute perfection. He was a man who paid attention to the details. He would make the perfect boyfriend, if only she was his type. His type. The phrase itself made her angry. Damn it, she wasn’t going there. “I can’t wait.”

  The idea of a lush suite for a whole week nearly brought tears to her eyes. Reid had made it possible. Reid was making all of this possible. She was going to get over Gideon. She was going to find herself. It was her time to explore and play and enjoy the world again. Reid was a big part of that.

  “All right, love,” he said over the phone. “I’m watching for you. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  She groaned, unable to stop. They had discussed this endlessly. “I know what I want. I can’t help it. It’s who I am.”

  He sighed. “I wasn’t judging. You know I would never judge. You’ve met me. Lightning would strike and quickly. I just…I love you, Jessica. I want you to be sure.”

  Tears crowded her eyes. She took a deep breath. “I love you, too. I know what I’m doing. Gideon showed me what I am and what I want. Just because he didn’t want me doesn’t change the fact that I’m a sub. Don’t be worried. Be excited for me. I’m done mooning over some man who can’t love me. I’m ready to explore. Tell me there are some superhot Doms there looking for a sub to train.” She felt herself flush as she said it. She was putting a lot on the line. What if no one wanted her? What if she spent the whole week in a corner somewhere?

  “Stop. I can hear you panicking from here. They’re going to love you, but I get first dibs. Yo
u know you’re my sub for the first few days. This is a training seminar, and you’re my guinea pig.” As always, he knew how to calm her fears. It seemed to come naturally to Reid to always know the right thing to say.

  She inched forward. Finally, in the distance, the Aspen Retreat came into sight. It was a gorgeous piece of Western architecture. The ski lodge was a magnificent work of wood and glass rising from the snow. “I don’t know why you chose me, but I’m glad you did. I could never afford this seminar on my own. I thank you for choosing to use me as a guinea pig over some superhot boy.”

  Reid snorted. He did it often, though he would never admit it. Jessica found it hopelessly endearing. “Honey, if I used a superhot boy, I would never be able to teach. Get that sweet ass in here. I’m waiting, Jessica.”

  He hung up with a decisive click. She shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cold. Reid had used that voice on her. It was his Dom voice. She groaned as she made the final turn. Gideon had shown her a whole world and then told her she didn’t belong there. Jessica looked at the imposing Aspen Retreat and knew she was about to find out if his words would prove true.

  “How many more guests are we waiting on?” Gideon asked, looking out the huge windows to the mountainside. The scene was perfectly romantic. Some of the guests were happily tromping through the snow carrying skis or sleds. They seemed carefree. It was not a feeling he could relate to.

  “Just one more,” Reid said, walking up behind him.

  Reid’s hand slipped up his sweater, tracing the strong line of his back. He suppressed the sigh of pure pleasure that came from being connected to Reid. His best friend and lover let his chin rest on Gideon’s shoulder. It was a familiar gesture, but it had been an awfully long time since he’d felt it.

  For months and months there had been nothing but ice between them. He’d lost so fucking much that one day. He’d lost his family, his career, his place in the only society he knew.