Smoke and Sin Read online

  “But you thought it, didn’t you? Gus is good enough to fuck but dear god, don’t let my friends know I’m slumming it.” Her hands were shaking as she buttoned her blouse. “So you thought it was okay to fuck your way through the entire female law school population, but somehow I’m not good enough to be your political wife. Is that right?”

  “You want to know why you can’t be my political wife? It has nothing to do with sex, baby. You are the be-all, end-all of sex for me and you damn well know it. It’s that you can be a righteous bitch and you’ll never learn how to play nice with others. That mouth of yours is a liability I can’t afford, so yes, I’m ending the relationship because I’ve got to grow up and stop playing around. You’re not the marrying type. Or the motherly type. So I don’t understand why you’re pissed at me when I’m merely being honest.”

  The flat of her palm cracked against the side of his face. His head snapped around, the jarring smack ringing between his ears. His jaw ached. He rubbed it with tense fingers.

  Damn but that woman didn’t hold back—not her opinions, not her advice, and definitely not when she decided to slap someone. Gus always gave as good as she got.

  This was what they did. They pushed and poked each other until one of them backed down or broke. Then they always ended up in bed. Hell, angry sex had been a regular staple for them, and he hated to admit how much he loved it.

  He had a feeling they wouldn’t be having that anymore.

  “I hope you enjoy the rest of your life, Roman, you fucking coward.” She stepped back, grabbing her bag. “That’s what you are. You and Zack have a lot in common. You both need women who won’t challenge you.” She scoffed. “Good luck with that.”

  She strode out of the room.

  He let her go, watching every moment of the train wreck until she disappeared out of his bedroom.

  It was done. They were over.

  Well, they should be, but he followed her out, unable to find the slightest willpower to let her leave. “I’m a coward because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this?”

  She didn’t turn around as she crossed the second-story landing and headed for the stairs. She merely raised her hand and gave him her middle finger. “Well, you can spend it kissing Zack’s ass. That’s what you’ve really prepped for all your life. Poor Roman. So terrified to have his own life, he needs to leech off Zack.”

  She was halfway down the steep stairs that led to the main floor when he caught up to her. He reached out, intending to stop her because there was zero way they ended with this much ugliness between them. She could not have the last word.

  The minute his hand touched her arm, she whirled around to face him with fire in her eyes and a curse on her lips.

  That was the moment she slipped. Her eyes widened as she started to fall back.

  Roman’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. He reached frantically for her, desperate to stop her tumble.

  Her blouse was silky. He couldn’t grab on. She literally slipped through his fingers.

  Gus crashed down the stairs, her body beating against the wood and the railing until she finally stopped at the bottom in a heap.

  Roman raced down to her, so stunned he’d swear he had stopped breathing. “Oh, god, Gus. Are you all right?”

  The door shot open, and Zack rushed in with Maddox right behind him.

  “What the hell was that noise?” Zack asked, then saw Gus, who started to writhe and whimper. “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

  “Yes!” Roman shouted, his only thought to get Augustine in his arms. To make sure she was all right. To fucking apologize to her and start this conversation over again. Because they couldn’t be over. He’d feared that letting her go was a mistake the minute she’d started to fall. He’d seen a world without her, and it had been bleak as hell. Cold. He hadn’t wanted any part of it.

  She’d been right. He had been a coward. He had to own up to that, fix it.

  “Don’t touch me,” she spat his way as she got to her knees with a groan.

  “Augustine, please let me help you.” He had to know that she was all right. She looked so pale, so unlike her. His Gus was ballsy and full of life. He’d forgotten that sometimes she could be fragile.

  “I want to know what the fuck is happening and I want to know right fucking now.” Maddox, the happy ne’er-do-well, stood at the bottom of the stairs like Gus’s avenger, glaring at Roman with one of the single darkest looks he’d ever seen.

  Gus held a hand out. “I fell, Mad. I came over to pick up something before I leave town and asshole here ran true to form.” She sent a thumb in Roman’s direction. “I took the stairs way too fast and I fell. Don’t you dare call an ambulance. I’m fine with the exception of my pride. That’s pretty busted up. So if you’ll get out of the way, I’ll say goodnight.”

  Mad was right beside her, taking her hand in his. “Let me help you to your car.”

  “I walked here,” she said. “I’m fine.”

  Roman couldn’t let her leave with things so broken between them. “Gus, we should talk.”

  “I don’t want to speak to you, Roman. Not for a long time,” she said without looking back. “And if you try to come anywhere near me before I’m ready, you should know that I can be every bit the bitch you accused me of being. I’ll blow up your world and I’ll enjoy it. So fuck off. And Zack? Joy is a sorority sister of mine. She’s sweet and kind and good, and if you hurt her, I’ll kill you. Do I make myself plain? You boys think you’re the ultimate brotherhood. You have no idea what my sisterhood can do.”

  She headed out the door.

  When Roman hurried after her, Zack put a hand on his chest, holding him back. “Don’t. You will accomplish nothing except getting in another fight. You know Gus. She’ll do everything she threatened. Mad?”

  “I’ll drive her home, take care of her.” Mad frowned Roman’s way. “If you keep your distance, I might not call Dax and let him know you fucked his sister over. I know you think she’s some kind of warrior goddess whose vagina isn’t attached to her heart, but she’s way more delicate and caring than you give her credit for.”

  A chill went through Roman as Mad exited and slammed the door behind him.

  “You knew?” Roman asked Zack. “Both of you?”

  Zack sighed and walked over to the sideboard where they kept the good Scotch. He quickly poured out two glasses. “Did I know that you spent an enormous amount of time with Gus and it wasn’t all studying and talking about former professors? Yeah. You didn’t fool anyone. The two of you practically spark a fire when you’re in the damn room together.”

  “Dax?”

  “Is spectacularly unaware. And you’ll have to forgive Mad. He loves Gus. He lost his virginity to her, and they’ve been close ever since.”

  Roman winced.

  Zack pointed his way. “There it is. That’s exactly why you should have left Gus the hell alone and never touched her.”

  Roman took the glass, his hand tightening around it. “What do you mean?”

  After a long sip, Zack sank into the big leather chair he somehow always made look like a throne. “You’ll never accept the fact Gus has more experience than you.”

  “That’s not true.” But maybe it was. He hated knowing that she’d slept with Mad. He loathed Zack for throwing it in his face right now. Though she hadn’t gotten naked with that playboy Crawford in years, it still bugged him. Then there was that pesky rumor about her and Zack… At the thought, jealousy burned through him.

  “It is,” Zack replied. “And it’s hypocritical. But I don’t think it’s something you’ll be able to overcome. You resent anyone who looks at her twice, and she is one sexy woman. If you can’t accept that, you’ll make yourself insane. Then there’s the fact that Gus is smarter than you are. She’s funnier. She’s a better lawyer. She’s—”

  “Could you stop? You know, if you want Gus to run your campaign, I can catch her for you.”

  “You’ve made my poi
nt brilliantly. You can’t love a woman you’re always in competition with. Sit down and make a decision here and now. You’re either going to go after her and figure out how to make the two of you work, or you have to let her go.”

  He knew exactly what he should do. Zack was right. He didn’t want to spend his life fighting with a woman. Or competing with her. Otherwise, his very existence would be a constant battle. As much as he lived for the political fight, he needed peace at home. Without that, he’d go insane.

  He sank into the seat opposite Zack. This was how they ended most evenings—single glass of Scotch in hand, planning the future.

  “So tell me about this new girl. Not Joy. I’ve read the dossier your father sent over. I’m talking about her friend.” A hollow place gaped inside him, but maybe that was better than always being on tenterhooks. It might be boring and devoid of passion, but at least he wouldn’t live in constant turmoil. He could think. He could breathe.

  And he knew that made him weak. Zack was right.

  “Are you sure?” his friend asked. “Maybe you should take a few days to think about this. I can handle the date with Joy alone. She’s likely nothing more than one of my father’s blindingly dull Jackie O wannabes. And now that I know Gus will murder me if I so much as lay a finger on this girl, I’ll likely end this evening early.”

  “If Gus likes her, you should seriously consider her. Gus has good instincts.” About most things, though apparently she had terrible taste in men. “And I need to look at this the way you are. Finding female companionship should be a logical choice. I need the right woman. I need someone who understands the job, who won’t feel as though I’m ignoring her.”

  “Someone who doesn’t care?”

  Frustration slithered through him, a snake threatening to bite him. “Make up your mind, Zack. Either I’m an asshole for holding on to a woman who is clearly better than I deserve or I’m shit for being analytical and unemotional. Besides, you’re one to talk. You’re the one who’s actively auditioning political wives.”

  Zack stared down at his glass, swirling the expensive amber liquid around. “Yes, but I’ve never once felt about a woman the way you do about Gus. I’ve never had one knock me on my ass, and I’ve realized it’s never going to happen. I’m not capable of that sort of passion. It’s best if I make a deal. I don’t want to hurt whomever I marry because I’m incapable of love. I’m going to be upfront and honest, build a partnership with her.”

  That sounded so shallow and empty and…so easy. “What if you meet someone who knocks you on your ass?”

  Zack shook his head. “Never going to happen. I’m too cold. I hate that about myself. I hate even more that my dad’s trait in this matter seems to have prevailed. I try to connect to women but I never do. I would settle for a pleasant friendship. But I can only be passionate about one thing: The Oval.”

  That was something they agreed on—always. But Zack was wrong. He’d been passionate about his friends for years. He’d put himself and his career on the line for them more than once. Zack was nowhere near as cold as he thought.

  But Roman felt a terrible chill envelop him. Without Gus to warm him, he had nothing left to do except embrace the cold.

  Sucking back the pain, he raised his glass to Zack. “To the Oval.”

  * * * *

  Augustine Spencer strode away from the townhouse, desperate to put distance between her and her Waterloo. That was how she would forever think of this night and this place. She had made her stand.

  And she’d lost.

  She wasn’t going to cry. She refused to. She was a grown-ass woman. And she might be leaving with a broken heart, but at least she’d keep her dignity.

  “Hey, Gus. Please let me drive you.”

  Damn it. Mad was on her tail, and she knew he wouldn’t let her put him off. For all his charming ways, Mad was actually a bit like a tick when he wanted to be. He dug in and nothing would persuade him to let it go. She had to convince him that she was okay.

  Gus stopped and turned, forcing a smile. “Mad, I’m good. You remember what they taught us in lacrosse. Walk it off, baby. My ankle actually feels much better.”

  She was worried about something else far more personal than her ankle, but she hoped the cramping pain would soon go away. After all, her baby had only been growing inside her for a few weeks. It would be so tiny nestled deep inside her right now.

  The baby Roman had never, ever wanted. So it would be hers and hers alone.

  “I hated all sports, Gus. You know that.” He reached for her hand. “And I’m also not as unaware as you think. You love him.”

  Oh, but she couldn’t anymore. She forced herself to laugh, although when she really thought about it, she should be laughing at how stupid she’d been. Roman Calder had never lied to her. He’d never promised her anything but a good time in bed. In the beginning, that had honestly been all she wanted anyway. She loved sex, and he was good at it. She made no apologies for her high-voltage libido.

  But somewhere along the way, she’d fallen in love with him. She hadn’t dated or taken another lover since the first time they’d gone to bed together, though she suspected he couldn’t say the same.

  “I don’t love Roman. I’m not that girl.” But she feared she wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all Mad. He knew her better than she sometimes knew herself. They had a lot in common.

  “Gus, don’t bullshit me. I know.”

  She went still. “You know what?”

  “Everything.” He leaned against his Porsche, his eyes on her. The streetlight beamed a circle of light down on them, and she wished suddenly the street wasn’t so well maintained. She would prefer shadows to Mad’s probing stare. “I stopped by your place last week to drop off that book you loaned me. I let myself in with my key and before I left I used the bathroom.”

  She froze. It had been a terrible mistake to let Mad have a key to her place, but he stayed there sometimes when he was in town. She had an extra bedroom, and Zack and Roman often had too many things going on to spend time with him. Mad could be quite needy, though he hid it behind his party-boy image. He didn’t like to be alone, so they spent platonic, friendly time together.

  Panic tore through her. “You can’t tell Roman.”

  Mad doubled over with a low groan. “Shit. I was hoping that pregnancy test wasn’t yours. You’re really pregnant, Gus?”

  Well, she’d known it wasn’t ideal. “That’s my business and no one else’s.”

  She turned to go. If Mad ratted her out, it wouldn’t matter. In Roman’s eyes, she was nothing but a convenient piece of ass. He probably wouldn’t even think the baby was his. By morning, she would have her plans in place. She would quit the DC firm and go home to NOLA and beg the firm there to take her back.

  She’d been such a stupid, naive girl. Now it was time to be a woman.

  Mad caught up to her. “Nope. This is not just your business anymore. What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to have a baby.” She’d thought about this every second of every day since she’d taken that pregnancy test she shouldn’t have left on the bathroom counter. She should have thrown it out, but looking at it had filled her with excitement, knowing she was growing a tiny being that would forever be a blend of her and Roman.

  She’d wanted to keep the proof that their child existed.

  “You’re having Roman’s baby.”

  “No, I’m having mine. Not ten minutes ago, Roman made it clear that he has zero interest in either marrying me or having children. He’s going to double down on the Zack Hayes method of arranged marriage.”

  “They’re idiots, Gus. And he’ll come around. He’s probably in there right now realizing what a mistake he made.”

  “I don’t see him running after me.” She gestured toward Roman’s house.

  Yeah, some small part of her had wanted that, too. Her foolish heart had even believed he would dash out the door after her because that was what they did. They fought, someone s
tormed out, the other coaxed the first back in, and they ended up in bed. They’d always fixed everything with sex.

  She’d thought she would already be in Roman’s arms by now, that he’d be carrying her to his bed as he often did, whispering to her that everything would be all right. All they needed to do was to stop talking with their mouths and start talking with their bodies.

  But he wasn’t coming after her this time. He’d been plain. Now everything felt more wretched because she realized he hadn’t been biding his time, waiting for the right moment to tell everyone about them. He’d never intended to tell anyone.

  She’d been his dirty little secret.

  “Well, he will after he finds out about the baby,” Mad swore.

  That was the last thing she needed. Well, almost. She needed this cramping in her stomach to end, too. But she didn’t want a shotgun wedding. She’d always wanted a loving, stable marriage, like her mom and dad shared. She’d never get that kind of love from a man who was forced to marry her.

  “Please, Mad. I don’t want him to know.”

  He stared back at the house, and she could practically see the wheels in his brain turning and turning. Mad was the king of crazy plots. “All right, then. There’s only one thing to do.”

  “I’m going home to New Orleans.”

  He frowned. “I thought you were taking the DC job.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t as a single mother. The hours are too grueling. Believe me, I want that position more than ever. I need it to take my mind off Roman, but I have to think of my baby. I’ve got a great trust fund, but I don’t want him or her raised by nannies. When I thought I’d have Roman by my side, I was willing to take the chance and try the family thing. Now I have to go home to New Orleans so my baby can have some kind of male role model I don’t have to pay by the hour. My dad has been talking about retiring. Dax will be home every now and then. I’ll tell him I don’t know who the father is. He’ll believe it.”

  “Tell him I’m the father. He’ll believe that, too.”

  “What? Mad, this is not the time for one of your schemes.” She wanted to cry, but she needed to get away from here and regroup.