The Edge of Dominance: DOMS OF HER LIFE: Raine Falling (Book 4) Page 5

  Raine placed a protective hand over her belly. “I would never do that. Hammer should know. Tell him. I couldn’t—”

  Liam nudged her palm aside. “That’s not what has him turned inside out, love. He had no idea she was unhappy, much less in despair. Neither of us did.”

  Because Juliet didn’t communicate. Raine remembered Seth saying that.

  “It’s one reason he’s so different with you,” Liam went on.

  Pieces of the Hammer puzzle slid into place. “That explains why he always watched me so closely, why he kept track of my cycles…” She gasped. “Why he kept my medication. Why he was desperate to know the second my period was late. And I fought you both.”

  Raine closed her eyes. They’d all gone through hell. If she had known Hammer’s feelings, she would have been more compassionate, more honest. But she had to focus on here and now. Regrets were a waste of time.

  “I’m sorry I shut you two out and failed to communicate.” Raine slid her hands down her face, surprised to find her cheeks wet. “Hammer prides himself on having control of every situation and taking care of those around him. Juliet’s suicide must have made him question everything about himself as a man and a Dom.”

  “Precisely. The pain and guilt crippled him. He pulled stakes out of New York almost the moment Juliet’s funeral ended. He came here and started over.”

  “Then he walled himself off and became the big, bad Dom of Shadows, plowing through one pretty sub after another. He ignored me because I loved him.”

  That still hurt.

  “More so because he loved you,” Liam countered softly. “Fiercely. I saw that the day I arrived. None of the other women mattered to Macen. In his head, if he didn’t touch you, he couldn’t harm you. It was his way of protecting you—and himself. He’s afraid to give anyone the power to truly hurt him again.”

  “But his aloofness only hurt us more. It still does now.”

  “I know it feels as if he’s slipping away from us. I don’t mind saying that scares me, love. I’ve tried to reach him, but he shuts me out.” Liam frowned. “He’s stalled. Stuck. Now that he finally has the life he’s wanted, he’s scared shitless of losing it. He loves you far more than he ever did Juliet. If something happened and he no longer had you and the baby in his life, it would end him for good.”

  “I’m fine. I’m careful. I’m—”

  “Human and vulnerable. Bill nearly made his worst nightmare a reality. It messed with Macen’s head.”

  Raine knew that morning had taken a toll on everyone. “Bill is gone, and nothing that bastard did could drive me over the edge.”

  “I know. But Hammer has only cared about two women, and he’s shared them both with me. The first time didn’t end well. When she died, neither of us knew she was pregnant. You almost died, and we had no notion you were expecting, either. In both cases, he was powerless to stop the worst from happening. The parallels disturb him.”

  “He doesn’t want to lose me but he’s pulling away?”

  Liam gave a sad laugh. “It sounds mad, but fear isn’t logical, love. As you well know.”

  Raine couldn’t disagree.

  After her abduction, she’d known she would have to deal with her trauma, but it had seemed possible because she’d believed Liam and Hammer would be beside her, every moment, every step, every day for the rest of their lives. But soon Macen had begun drifting away. She’d been so confused and angry and hurt. Hammer had begun acting more like her bodyguard and caregiver than her Dom and lover.

  Now it made sense.

  Ignoring her screaming insecurities wasn’t easy, but her therapist had coached her about stepping outside of her emotions and looking at things logically. Hammer was quick to help others…and slower than molasses to ask for anything in return. When he screwed up, he barely apologized. For years, she’d assumed he simply had too much pride. But she knew now he tried to deal with his issues alone because he didn’t want to affect others. After Liam’s revelation this morning, she could see that Hammer had shut down because he hadn’t forgiven himself for failing to rescue her from Bill. He’d closed himself off years ago after not saving his pregnant wife.

  The implications weighed a thousand pounds on her heart.

  “You’re right.” Raine tried to hold herself together. She was stronger than all this crying, damn it. But the thought of losing half her soul tore at her. “My heart hurts for him, and I wish I could heal his pain.”

  “If I had a magic wand, I’d do it myself. It took him eight years to confide in me, and I was the bloke sharing Juliet. Only he can decide to let go of the past. I’m thinking you may be the only one who can help him.”

  “Me?”

  “He’d do anything not to lose you. I’m not saying opening his eyes will be easy, but I think you can do it.”

  “I can’t even make that stubborn man stay for breakfast. How am I supposed to make him let go of years of guilt?”

  “You’re looking at me with those beautiful eyes and the body that drives me to distraction, and you’re telling me that you don’t know how to get his attention? You may not believe it after this morning, but you turn Hammer’s head. Give him a smile and a come-hither glance. The man will fall over himself to be with you. Then you shower him with your love. And you talk to him.” He cupped her cheek. “I’ll be there with you. We’ll convince him to let go of the past.”

  “What if that doesn’t work? Liam…” Raine understood that he’d run out of options, but failure terrified her. “What if he’s not ready to move on? This is our family. Our future. We don’t have years to make him see the light.” She pointed at her belly. “We have six months.”

  Raine hated to sound negative. Of course she would give it her all, not only to keep their unconventional family intact but because Hammer deserved happiness. Deep down, he wanted the paradise dangling just in front of him. Maybe she needed to remind him of all they had.

  “You can do it. We’ve weathered worse, love. We can survive this, too.”

  Liam had a point. Marlie and Gwyneth. All the jealousy, insecurity, and fighting. The breakup, the tough reunion, the difficulty confronting their pasts. Bill, the kidnapping, the violence, the bombshells, the awful aftermath. Seth often remarked that their lives resembled a soap opera. He was right.

  “Thank you for telling me. I know he would probably be angry, but I needed to hear the truth. I’ll do whatever it takes until we help him understand that Juliet’s choice wasn’t his and no one blames him.”

  “Unfortunately, Juliet’s family does, and they were never shy about expressing their opinion. That hasn’t helped Hammer, either.”

  Raine had never met those people, but she wanted to punch them. “That’s ridiculous!”

  “They were looking for someone to blame.”

  “Assholes.”

  “Language…” Liam raised a brow. “You wench.”

  She did her best to look contrite—but she stood by her opinion. “Do you want breakfast now? I can—”

  The ringing of her cell phone broke into their conversation. She looked at the display and frowned.

  Liam approached. “Is it Hammer?”

  “No. That partner who works with Macen’s lawyer, the one who’s representing me in Bill’s probate.” She pressed the button to accept the call and turned on the speaker. “Hello?”

  “Ms. Kendall? It’s Silas Hoffman from Barnes, Hoffman, and Laughlin. How are you today?”

  “Fine. Do you have news that could resolve my father’s probate?” Not that she wanted anything from Bill’s estate except to throw a can of gasoline and a match at it. But this might be her only chance to locate River. “Has anyone found my brother?”

  “That’s why I’m calling. I just received word from an army representative who informed me they’ve advised him to call me about your father’s estate.”

  Raine’s knees buckled. She nearly dropped the phone. “Really? River is alive?”

  In the last few months
, she had often wondered during the sleepless hours of the darkest nights whether Bill had lied and somehow done away with her brother, too. Knowing that her father hadn’t was a relief. And a confusion.

  Where had River been for the last dozen years? She knew he’d joined the army when he turned eighteen…but that was a long time ago. Had he been in the service since? Overseas? Or maybe when he’d left home, he had written off his family and not given a shit about his younger sisters.

  “Apparently, yes,” the attorney said without offering anything else.

  Raine tried to stifle her frustration. “Do you know how I can reach him?”

  “I’m afraid not. The army won’t release his personal information. I only know he’s no longer active duty.”

  Seth had managed to find that out weeks ago.

  She sighed. “So you don’t know if he’s even in Southern California?”

  Hoffman murmured a sound of regret. “I’m sorry, no. The good news is, since you’ve already filed the federal and state taxes on your father’s behalf and completed the inventory of claims versus assets, once River contacts me, we can resolve your father’s estate quickly, probably six months or less. As soon as I’ve spoken to your brother and notified him of the impending probate, I’ll let you know.”

  Until then, she could only hope—wonder—if her last remaining family wanted anything to do with her. “See if he’ll give you his contact information to pass on to me. Please.”

  “Of course.” Then, with a polite goodbye, the attorney hung up.

  Liam cupped her shoulders. “You look shocked, love. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

  “So many things.” She blinked at him, grateful to have his beloved, comforting presence to anchor her. “He moved out when I was nine. I know almost nothing about him or his life. The last memories I have of River are him and Bill screaming about his teenage hell-raising and their ugly, parting fight. But I don’t know him.”

  “He’s your brother. He’s family. Don’t you want to talk to him?”

  “I think so.” She sighed, trying to sort through the barrage of her emotions. “But maybe there’s a reason it’s been so long since we’ve spoken.”

  Liam frowned. “I can’t imagine what. If I hadn’t seen one of my sisters in years, I’d be elated to clap eyes on her again.”

  “If you had one, I can see that.”

  “Actually, love…” He gave her a sheepish grin. “I’ve got six of them.”

  At that, Raine stiffened. Her fingers went numb, and she dropped her phone. As it clattered to the floor, her eyes bulged. “Six? You never told me.”

  “Well, they live in Ireland. My parents are Catholic, love. So we’re a prolific bunch. I assumed you’d know I have siblings.” He shrugged. “Honestly, the subject never came up.”

  “Never. Came. Up?” Raine swore her head was going to explode. Her temper shot up with her blood pressure. She couldn’t take much more. She might be over a foot shorter than her men, but her temper could tower over them both. “So I’m the only one who has to cough up all the nitty-gritty details of my life? While you two hide all kinds of shit? And don’t talk to me about language, Liam O’Neill.” She wagged a finger at him. “First, it’s Hammer and his suicidal, pregnant wife. That might have been important for me to know. And now you have all these sisters I’ve never heard a word about?”

  “Raine, I suggest you take it down a notch.”

  When monkeys flew. “Tell me their names. Are they married? Do they have kids?”

  “A passel of them. I’m the youngest of the family, mind you. So they all have children.”

  She put a hand over her belly. “Our baby will have cousins. And I didn’t need to know that?”

  “Don’t be angry. I didn’t intentionally try to deceive you.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him, bouncing between hurt and fury. “You once said that I needed to tell you everything, including what I wanted for breakfast. You threatened me with a jar of pickles. So you not telling me about major branches of your family tree is a fucking problem for me.” She stomped her foot. “Maybe you didn’t tell me because you never intended to introduce me to them. Or our child.”

  “That was never my intention. Don’t think you haven’t met them because I’m not proud of you, love. We’ll go to Ireland, if you like.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “The truth is, they’re a bit overwhelming.”

  “So you were sparing me, is that it?” Raine wanted to believe him…but at barely ten a.m., she had already reached her drama quotient for the day.

  “A wee bit, yes. You’ll see what I mean someday. Ask Hammer. He’ll tell you.”

  “He’s met them?”

  “They came to New York for Christmas one year. I think one or two had a crush on him, but he was married at the time,” Liam explained, then sent her a hopeful smile. “You look adorable when you’re mad, love.”

  “Don’t you dare try to sweet-talk your way out of this. Cough up the details. What else don’t I know?”

  “Well…” Liam hesitated, as if realizing that he might not be able to charm his way out of this mess. “Caitlyn is the oldest. She’s a bossy, wee thing. Meg will always be in your business. Full of questions, that one. Shauna and Rosaleen are twins. They’re two peas in a pod, finishing each other’s sentences. Funny thing is, they married brothers.”

  “Twins?” Was he kidding? She looked down at her stomach. “Twins run in your family?”

  “Don’t worry. Multiple births depend on the female. It’s to do with the number of eggs and…” He grimaced. “The next sister is Aisling. She’s the quiet one…mostly. But she’ll talk your ear off if she’s a mind to. And Maeve is a bloody handful. I almost feel sorry for her husband.”

  Raine was glad she was sitting or she might have fallen down. “Wow. So many.”

  “They’re more overwhelming than I can even explain. Be grateful they’re not here. But we were talking about River. Now that he’s reared his head, do you want to find him?”

  Raine knew the bait and switch when she heard it. Damn it, Liam was lucky she wasn’t hungry or she’d eat his balls for breakfast. “I don’t know. I need to think about it. I’ll be working on the nursery.”

  “Good idea, love. I’ll just…um, nip out to the club so I can retrieve that picture of Hammer and me that you wanted framed. How about that?” He looked relieved that he’d thought of a plausible escape, and it would be funny if she weren’t completely pissed off. And worried.

  Six sisters? And her brother was god knew where.

  “While you’re out, you rack that conniving Irish brain of yours for any other secrets you might be hiding from me. I want them all.”

  * * *

  The sound of workmen hammering away and a saw whining down the hall greeted Liam as he entered Shadows and made his way to Macen’s office. How the man managed to get any work done with all the racket was beyond Liam, yet there Hammer sat behind his desk, signing checks, seemingly oblivious—until he looked up and spied Liam.

  “If you’re here to dissect me, I’m not in the mood.”

  “Bugger that. I’ve got news.” Liam sank into the chair opposite with a sigh. “River surfaced.”

  “What do you mean…surfaced? Where is he? At the house?” Hammer leaned in, scowling. “You didn’t leave Raine alone with him, did you? We can’t until we know whether he’s a sick, violent bastard like their old man.”

  “Don’t be daft. I wouldn’t be here if he’d knocked on our door. The probate lawyer rang this morning and spoke to Raine.” Liam filled him in on the details. “She still doesn’t know where or how to find him.”

  “But she knows her long-lost brother is alive and that he hasn’t contacted her. I’m sure that upset her.”

  “Yes. He’s the last of her family, so I thought she’d welcome him with open arms. But she wasn’t dancing a jig. I think she’s wary.” He cocked his head. “I have this feeling it won’t be long before we see him.”

 
“So we may have another Kendall male on our hands.” Hammer rose and rounded the desk, perching on the corner in front of Liam. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “This day just keeps swirling down the drain like a well-flushed toilet… I don’t like it. We don’t know much about River, except that he hasn’t seen Raine for over half her life. I hope he doesn’t think he can just show up and turn her world upside down.”

  “From what Raine said, he hated Bill. Maybe that’s a good sign.”

  “You don’t look as if you actually believe that.”

  Liam didn’t, and he hated to say so. Something about the man niggled at him… “I don’t know what to believe.”

  “He’s probably just a selfish bastard who wants half of Bill’s crap and won’t bother crossing paths with Raine. But it might be smart to ring Seth and see if he’s learned anything new about her brother.”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  “Is Raine home alone now?”

  “She is, but I set the alarm before I left. It’ll be a bit before the contractors arrive.” Liam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “But I had to leave before she lost any more of her temper.”

  Hammer grimaced. “Is she still pissed that I left? I didn’t mean to upset her, just think.”

  “She has every right to be angry, but no. After she got the call about River, we talked. I wish you’d been there to lend me that shit shovel I gave you earlier because I really put my foot in my gob.”

  “You did?” A smile played at Hammer’s lips. “How did that taste?”

  “I’ll bet Raine likes pickles more. I swallowed my toes down so far I think they’re lodged in my gut. Oh, but you should have seen her, Macen. She was the Raine we fell in love with, all full of vinegar and sass. Magnificent. I probably shouldn’t have told her that while she was upset.”

  “Yeah, never tell a woman she’s cute when she’s pissed off. What did you do that riled her up in the first place?”

  “We were talking about River…and I might have spilled the news that I have six sisters.”

  Macen’s eyes grew wide. “She didn’t know?”